Autobiography

The vicissitudes of being one strange life.

(Experience in the aesthetic construction of an autobiography)

Everything starts from the beginning and ends with some end. Some thinkers, most likely of an idealistic nature, consider these two points of reference to be the most important in human existence. Others-most likely, the materialistic trend, believe that everything in a person's life determines the reality that lies between these two points... Since the author combines the first and second principles (depending on the object to which the author's thinking is directed), then in his mind all this is intertwined, sometimes generating an amazing symbiosis... However, since the author most of all does not accept funerals and anniversaries, this looping, interrupted by the facts of real life, which, in the best cases, bring aesthetic pleasure (to which the author instinctively, unconsciously, and then consciously sought all his life), from time to time encourages the emergence of truly philosophical questions in the author's mind: what is truly valuable in this cycle of human life and what will remain of it? But let's start from the beginning, referring to the great Plato, who argued that every beginning is difficult... On May 27, 1939, a little boy was born in the city of Leningrad, on Vasilyevsky Island. This can be considered the first countdown of oddities… Because my mother was born in Sukhumi (and her parents in Novorossiysk), my father - in Kharkov (and his father lived most of his life in Samara). Why is St. Petersburg gloomy, humid, Europeanized, intellectual... ("The place of birth, – says philosophical wisdom, - forever affects a person")… The box opens, as always, simply – my mother, the Sukhumi laughing girl Zhenya, was first assigned by the Komsomol to build Komsomolsk-on-Amur, and then, after the successful completion of a responsible business trip, sent to study at the Leningrad Medical Institute, which, of course, contributed to the appearance of the author of these lines in the light of day precisely on the banks of the Neva… It happened on May 27, 1939... Great thinkers have always paid attention to the place of birth of a person. They magically linked it to projections on a person's character and, consequently, their future fate. The author quite seriously believes that the humid climate of St. Petersburg, the ever-oncoming gusty wind and the reflection of white nights (along with the gray shadows of St. Petersburg buildings) have forever settled in the depths of his heart. This is especially evident in moments of melancholic reflection (especially in depressive moments) about the fate of the East Slavic peoples, the national intelligentsia, elite art... But, as in nature, in human life, the clouds disperse, the wind subsides – and now the sun is already sparkling and its rays (and glare, glare) reach, it seems, the farthest limits. And the author's childhood was scorched by this burning, all-pervading sun. It originated in very early childhood and in one well-defined place. This place is the capital of the Abkhazian Autonomous Republic – Sukhumi (now the capital of the Independent Republic of Abkhazia – Sukhum). From a deep childhood in the author's mind, this city is associated with blooming (intertwining) greenery, a bright, flaming sun, a blue-transparent sea and a chain of snow-capped peaks of the main Caucasian ridge, visible on the horizon at all times of the year. And the dialect of multilingual residents… It is this place that the author considers (chose!) your small homeland… And he saw it from different angles: as soon as he emerged from infancy, when he hid in the tall corn in his grandfather's garden during the Nazi air raids, the endless joy of childhood when he mastered swimming in elementary school, the calm of the soul when he arrived for a summer vacation from graduate school at Moscow State University, the explosions of shells on his native Sukhumi Mountain during the Georgian invasion in August 1992... In general, moving around a geographical map, according to the author's observation, becomes an integral part of his life. The next point of reference in his life was Zaporozhye (where he went to kindergarten), then Sakhalin Island, where he went to school, then Sukhum again and, finally, Minsk. In Zaporozhye, however, there was an event full of the mystical (as the author later realized) meaning. Efrosinya Savchuk, a housekeeper who came to the family from what she called Brest-Litovsk, taught the author a move in her Uniate Bible. And many,many other things that helped the child realize the significance of the then popular pre-war song, where, according to the spirit of the time, such words came to the fore: "Belarus is native, Ukraine is golden, your happiness is young, we will protect you with steel bayonets." And when a few years later the author, together with his mother and the same beloved grandmother Efrosinya, was already in the capital of Belarus, the internal psychological pre-set ("installation", as psychologists like to define this state) had a full impact. Minsk struck the author and forever sunk into his heart. Minsk, 1951… All in construction, filled with the all-conquering energy of youth, thirst for life (this is after such a war and such a national grief!)… And although there were still ruins here and there in the city, and to the east of the center, in the area of the rising giants of avtozavod and traktorny, people still lived in dugouts, a feeling of inexhaustible optimism gripped everyone who came into contact with the Belarusian capital... And we came to Minsk on the call of my uncle – Evgeny Maksimovich Polosin (then honored, and later – People's Artist of the BSSR, and then the USSR). My uncle had two daughters (my cousins) - Yulechka and Polechka. Polechka was seriously ill – so he called my mother – a good pediatrician at the Leningrad school, a former captain of the medical service. We didn't manage to save Polechka, but we – my mother, Grandma Efrosinya and I – stayed in Minsk. And I went to the famous 42nd school on Komsomolskaya Street – the same one where the future Nobel Prize winner Zhores Alferov studied, and where my friends from the courtyard (houses on the corner of Komsomolskaya and Prospekt, where the famous "Bookshop" is now located) Alfred Maikhrovich and Alexander Stanyuta studied – they were older than me, and the class was younger – Valery Rubinchik. It was there, in the 6th grade, that the author heard the immortal lines of Maxim Bogdanovich "zamizh pyarsidskaga yzora, tsvyatok radzima vasil'ka" - and they caused a lump in his throat... But the Minsk "overture" did not last long. In the spring of 1953, at the same time as my "counterpart" – I. V. Stalin – my grandfather, a Menshevik, died in Sukhumi. And my mother and I moved to Sukhumi, leaving in Minsk the received order for an apartment (a unique act) and a non-native-our beloved grandmother Efrosinya (who then knew that this parting was already marked with eternity). Memories of the last school years spent in Sukhumi, more and more often lately meet the author in a dream... There are also two schools (one in the city center, the other on the mountain), the exuberant flowering of mimosa trees in early spring on Sukhumi Mountain, the opening (usually in mid-May) and closing (usually in early November) of the bathing season, the specifics of the Abkhazian theater (and after 1951, the author became clearly aware that his father – theater director, and my uncle is an honored artist), which a Sukhumi schoolboy began to join, various sports that the author began to master with various success due to his motor needs.… And again-the sun, a diverse speech... and a favorite book – Prosper Merimet's "Chronicle of the time of Charles IX". The turning point came in 1956… It was generally the year of the great turning point. A thaw was approaching… The country was straining its forces for a space breakthrough. It seemed that new, creative forces were maturing within the society. The author, having reappeared in the Belarusian capital, had no doubt that he would conquer it. He took up, as a young man should do at the age of 17, entering universities. The first experience ended sadly. In trying to enroll in an acting course, everything went well at first. Reading a fable, a passage from prose, sketches – everything went perfectly. On general education-generally in the first rows. But at the last moment – an event with a tragic connotation. The fact is that that summer in Belarus turned out to be extremely cold. And the applicant arrived from sunny land, where at this time it is not less than +38°. As a result, our hero arrived at the interview... without a voice (the voice disappeared, was fully restored only after a year). People's Artist D. A. Orlov, who is gaining a course, said: "Not only are you not a grenadier, but also without a voice? What will you do on stage?" It was all over... Only with a deep psychological decline does the author explain the fact that his mother managed to persuade him to enroll together with a neighbor's girl (the granddaughter of a famous professor-surgeon) in a medical institute. This semi-adventurous action ended significantly: the one who dreamed of becoming a doctor failed, and the one who went to the" tests " with Olympic calmness entered... But not for long, not for long, the author's medical career shone. After the departure of his mother, the author literally fainted on a September day when he visited the morgue for the first time, seeing two little girls calmly eating doughnuts "over the cold body of a dead man"... When he woke up, he ran to his uncle, begging him to get any job. (Studying in medical school was out of the question...). And my uncle, then People's Artist of the BSSR E. M. Polosin, arranged an electric light in the same theater – one of the "pillars" – the Russian Theater named after M. Gorky. Theatre… This specific, peculiar sphere of human spirituality entered the author's life in deep childhood, both because of his genetic predisposition (his father is a director, his mother is an active participant in the amateur opera scene), and because of his love for literature (as is known, it is closely connected with the theater), and because of the participation of close relatives in the theater process. The first serious theatrical impressions are marked in the author's mind by the beginning of the 50s. Two performances were especially imprinted in the children's minds – " Tsar Fyodor Ioannovich "(with the magnificent D. Orlov and A. Kistov) and a children's play based on V. Kaverin" Two Captains " (where the role of the negative hero was expressively played by G. Kolas, later an outstanding Belarusian theater critic). But since the fall of 1956, the author, actively working with soffits and "pistols" on the left box of the Russian Theater, went to a new facet of understanding the theater. Observing the rehearsals, the behavior of the actors, the director's techniques and findings, and finally, the course of the performances themselves (where you know every scene by heart) - this is an insight into the theater from the inside, it is an inoculation of art for life! In addition, the 1956/1957 season turned out to be a turning point. The era of V. F. Fyodorov, a student of V. E. Meyerhold, who staged the landmark performances of the Gorkovites "Tsar Fyodor Ioannovich" by A. Tolstoy, "King Lear" by V. Shakespeare (which critics came to see from London), "Barbarians" by M. Gorky, was coming to an end. Guest director M. Spivak began staging Vishnevsky's Optimistic Tragedy with a debutante of the Minsk stage, A. Klimova, and a whole series of masters of Russian drama-A. Kistov, G. Kochetkov, E. Polosin, E. Karnaukhov (G. Nekrasov played the role of Alexey, his understudy was another debutant, R. Yankovsky)... Observing and illuminating the nightly magic that is created before the eyes of the young illuminator, the latter asked himself the questions: Why such a variety of human searches and manifestations of human life? What is the difference between reason and feeling? Why are the old classical playwrights (Shakespeare, Chekhov, Gorky) still better than the modern ones, because they did not live under socialism? From these naive questions, the author's philosophical fate was largely formed later. And gradually the author sincerely joined the idea, so well expressed by A. Artaud: "You need to believe that the meaning of life is renewed by the theater." And in the spring of 1957, the Genoese theater, which was going on tour to Moscow, performed on the stage of the Gorky Theater for two evenings. In his repertoire, as well as in the repertoire of our Gorky students, there were "Venetian Twins" by K. Goldoni. But the Genoese played quite differently from what even experienced Minsk theater-goers are used to… They played in the "performance theater" system, in the style of the Teatro del arte. I remember that one of the performers did something on the stage for half an hour that it was impossible to take your eyes off... The author believes that it was the Genoese theater (along with the still not expressed desire for the aesthetic) that largely joined the formation of the author as a person... But the spring of 1957 came and again the problem of admission became full-scale. This time the author decided to try his hand at the journalistic path. Another challenge seemed like an impossible mission. In that momentous year of 1957, there were strict rules for applicants to journalism: they needed two years of work experience (the author, as we know, had only one) and it would be better to be a party member. And, despite the excellent description given by the same chief director of the Russian Theater V. F. Fedorov (on the basis of the author's first "art-critical" work in the theater's wall newspaper, dedicated to the play "The Stone Nest", staged by the chief director based on the play by Kh. Vuoliyoki), Deputy Dean of the Faculty of Philology, head of the Department of Journalism G. Bulatsky warned that the entrance exams are a mere formality and, regardless of the results of the grades received, the participants of the "suicide group" (thus the daredevil applicants were named) will not be enrolled as students. The author, who in his youth was characterized by both dashing and adventurous, expressed an irresistible desire to compete (since he was already a sufficiently trained athlete-he had sports categories in various sports). But, although this "competition" ended triumphantly (20 points out of 20), nothing was clear until the very last moment. And only on the last day of August – quite unexpectedly, a notification was received – "you are enrolled as a student of the Russian Department of the Faculty of Philology of BSU"... It should be noted that in addition to the author, I. V. Shablovskaya and Zh. N. Yushkevich, who brilliantly passed the first sessions, were also enrolled as candidates for students from the "group of suicide bombers"... In connection with the admission, another problem was revealed: the problem of introducing the author to journalistic activities. After the first session at BSU, the author submitted a request to the rector of BSU for transfer to the journalism department. And after receiving a negative answer, he wrote a petition twice more (with the supporting signature of the future dean G. Bulatsky). Instead of responding to the third application, the rector of BSU, Academician A. N. Sevchenko, called the first-year student to his office. A wise physicist said, " Young man… You don't know life yet… If you have at least some gift, then you will write... And the phil faculty still has the best education, and any profession after studying is in your hands." And again refused the author's translation. To the credit of the latter, it should be said that after defending his PhD thesis in 1972, he once again visited A. N. Sevchenko with words of deep gratitude... Belarusian State University of the Turning Point of the 50s-60s… This is the time of take-off, a time of romantic dreams, a breakthrough into space, a time of thaw... A huge country has breathed a deep sigh after a long winter hibernation... The author remembers with gratitude his teachers: M. G. Larchenko, associate professors Faktorovich, Lapidus, Pilman, Timofeeva and very young N. Gilevich, A. Karaban, B. Mickiewicz, L. Shevchenko. In his final years, the author was deeply influenced by professors L. I. Figlovskaya (supervisor of the author's thesis on Soviet drama of the 60s), P. F. Protasenya (philosopher) and Associate Professor N. I. Kryukovsky (esthetician). And how many outstanding artists, starting from the poet G. Borodulin and the playwright A. Delendik, did the author meet?… And the BSU Theater, which was then headed by a young, talented graduate student Lev Tomilchik (now a corresponding member of the Academy of Arts). NAS of the Republic of Belarus), whose participants were G. Buravkin, Y. Buravkina, debutants: V. Saleev, I. Shablovskaya, S. Butkevich, V. Khalip. And among our classmates, many later became iconic figures of Russian culture: Doctor of Philology, Professor I. V. Shablovskaya, poetess Vera Verba, our short-term fellow student Georgy Polonsky, the author of the script for the film "Let's Live until Monday". And a variety of tests and developments are characteristic features of this period of the author's life. Starting from participation as an extra in Russian drama performances, performing as a pop singer (mainly with the Transcaucasian repertoire in the restaurant "Paparats-kvetka" - 2nd year), studying in the studio at the film studio "Belarusfilm "(2-3 courses)… And word searches… And on a wide scale: from sports reports to short stories and art-critical articles. This did not always bring a positive result: the increasingly strong critical thinking made it difficult to work on the artistic word, for which the author had to pay. On the other hand, already in 1962, the author was accepted into his first artistic union (BTO) – as a theater critic. The choice was made: the author also moved away from sports, especially since this choice was supported by the author's awakened interest in scientific research. And another important memory. Through journalism, participation in periodicals, the author began to master not only the capital – but also the entire republic… Do not forget my mentors in the journalistic (and artistic-critical) word: Elena Vladimirova, Stasya Masevich, Irina Klimashevskaya, Boris Buryan and Georgy Kolos. The first two were associated with "Chyrvonai Zmenai" (the memory of which is always in my heart), Irina Vladimirovna-with "Soviet Belarus", and the last two well – known critics of ours-with" Litaraturai i mastatsvam "and with the magazines" Neman "and"Polymya". Subsequently, this glorious cohort should be ranked and Galina Tsvetkova, head. The Department of Culture of Vecherny Minsk, a publication whose Moscow correspondent the author was while studying at the Faculty of Philosophy of Moscow State University, and Svetlana Berasten, who took care of the author for a quarter of a century in the same LIM. The student years flashed by, and now the author "functions" as a methodologist for amateur cinema and theater of the Republican House of Folk Art. And there was a lot of study (especially given by the head of the department of folk theaters, director S. Gurich) in the study of theater and film processes; and their small achievements. So, in particular, the author managed to help a young theater director Mikhail Ptashuk with the repertoire for the national theater and send a 10-minute film by Valery Rubinchik to the international amateur film festival in Canada (the film, I remember, took second place). And then flew the fast-paced, search-filled 60s, where there was everything: sports, Komsomol, introduction to the theater and cinema at a new level, writing various articles and even trying out as a sports commentator. In 1965, the wheel seemed to stop. In that year, the author's friend Alfred Maichrovich vacated the position of a junior researcher at the Institute of Art History of the Academy of Sciences (he moved to the same position at the Institute of Philosophy). However, as soon as the author took the coveted position, he was elected deputy. secretary of the Komsomol Committee of the Academy of Sciences of the BSSR (the secretary, according to the regulations, must be a candidate of sciences). So," under the guidance " of the author were later famous scientists: physicists A. Rubanov, Y. Khodyko, philosophers A. Maikhrovich, V. Konon and many others… And the days flew by - organizing subbotniks, various events, sports competitions, etc. In the midst of this whirlwind (the author successfully passed the candidate's exams), one meeting took place, which, without exaggeration, determined the future fate of the author. From time to time, the Academy held meetings with prominent scientists. Lectures of public interest were given. As a Komsomol leader, the author was responsible for organizing these lectures. Thus, the author once had to organize a lecture by the head of the department. Department of Aesthetics of the Institute of Philosophy of the USSR Academy of Sciences and, at the same time, Head of the Department of Aesthetics of Moscow State University (the creator of this department), Professor M. F. Ovsyannikov. The author's experiences are still remembered. The philosopher's refined thought was combined with a deep insight into the subtleties of the aesthetic, and these transitions made my head spin. At the end of the lecture, the author flew up to the Moscow professor and enthusiastically assured him that he had been striving for aesthetics all his life. At this feverish escapade Mikhail Fedotovich calmly and kindly said: "Well, take your PhD exams and come to Moscow State University, to graduate school." The author, out of his naivety and great desire, did so. It should be noted here that the author had a special relationship with graduate school (or rather, with admission to it). Even before Moscow, he twice tried to enter graduate school (in theater and literary studies). He was denied admission twice. Despite the fact that we managed to beat everyone in the competition by points. In the first case, it turned out that the author is not a party member, in the second – that the coveted place in the graduate school was reserved for the son – in-law of the academician. Nevertheless, after the author's life made another somersault (after the Komsomol Committee of the Academy of Sciences of the BSSR, the author briefly worked as a deputy. Director of the House of Culture of Avtozavod and in this capacity brought together many famous cinematographers and composers), the time has come for a decisive choice. The author decided in his own way, famously and uncompromisingly. I gave up everything and went to Moscow... it was in the early spring of 1967... But the dean of the Faculty of Philosophy of Moscow State University, A.D. Kosichev, at the first meeting with the author, informed him that " Belarus is a white spot on the aesthetic map of the Union "(this is despite the fact that the monograph of the Belarusian mentor of the author N. I. Kryukovsky "Logic of Beauty" caused a great resonance in aesthetic circles) and that the author's candidate's papers submitted for "excellent" in Minsk, do not mean anything in Moscow, and "if you are so confident-take it with our graduate students at Moscow State University". And the wheel spun for six months (from April to November) with an amazing cycle: attending meetings of the Department of Aesthetics, preparing for exams and writing an abstract, passing exams, sitting in the library until nightfall. When this cyclical circle was broken, it turned out that the author, having 20 out of 20, still could not apply for a post-graduate position at the Faculty of Philosophy of Moscow State University. It turned out that the author is not a "tselevik" (all the Balts had 2-3 targeted directions from the republic to MSU – it was enough for them to pass on "3") and, therefore, cannot claim 2 places given to the best graduates of MSU. And only thanks to the broad character of M. F. Ovsyannikov, who "beat out" for a young man from Minsk, who was essentially an unknown, a special place for a "graduate student with French for developing countries" shone a ray of hope. But it was necessary to pass the French commission from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and not less than "4" points. And this, in the end, succeeded... How to describe the author's post-graduate life in Moscow in the late 60s and early 70s? It was one of the happiest periods in the author's life. The Faculty of Philosophy of Moscow State University, where you could see and hear V. F. Asmus, A. A. Zinoviev, M. F. Ovsyannikov, S. S. Averintsev, T. N. Oizerman, M. N. Rutkevich and other bright thinkers live. The author painfully had to make up for the shortcomings of his philosophical education. In one of the Moscow publications, the author describes how he (together with the sympathetic and critical help of V. F. Ovsyannikov) spent 2.5 months choosing the title of his PhD thesis. This choice was based on the principle of "low-flying flight" - from "art criticism" and " artistic evaluation "(which was recognized by the supervisor M. F. Ovsyannikov as the problems of doctoral dissertations) to " To the problem of forming artistic evaluation "(defended in the Academic Council of Moscow State University in June 1972). And Moscow (until the sad moment of the fall of 1968), which was as if on the rise… Cosmonauts, bards, a sharp increase in science, the timid introduction of humanism into the system of "developed socialism". And the other side of the author's Moscow youth. The correspondent of Vecherny Minsk in Moscow visited theaters, the Central House of Writers (where the Arbuzov studio staged L. Petrushevskaya, which was a know-how for the Moscow theater beau monde). He was a member of the artistic council of the Moscow State University Theater and occasionally appeared in the WTO restaurant (on Gorky Street), where you could meet the actors Taganka, Andrey Mironov and, out of the corner of your ear, hear the epigrams of V. Gaft. But everything has an end. Having received a distribution after finishing graduate school in Mali, while already at the airfield, the author learned that a Maoist coup had taken place in the West African country and a graduate of the Moscow philosophical graduate school was waiting there only to be hanged... Once again, the author was faced with a choice. You could stay for a year in Moscow (at the Central Komsomol School) and get a transfer to another developing country. But the author chose a different path, ridiculing the entire board of the Ministry of Higher Education of the USSR, saying that he was returning to the most" developing country " – the BSSR. The next period of the author's life spans a quarter of a century. And it took place in the capital of the BSSR itself, at the Department of Philosophy of the largest university in the republic – the Belarusian Polytechnic Institute. How can I briefly describe these 25 years that finally shaped the author's personality? They included the author's philosophical development, the design of his already mature critical handwriting, and the acquisition of pedagogical experience in higher education (in addition to 5 universities in Minsk, the author taught, giving lectures, in Moscow, Chernihiv, Vilnius, Hamburg, Lublin, Mozyr, Sukhumi...). These years also included increased public activity – chairman of the section of culture and art of the city society "Znanie" (a member of the similar Republican Council), chairman of the section of aesthetic education of the Pedagogical Society of the BSSR, scientific secretary of the section of aesthetics of the Philosophical Society of the BSSR (later first vice-president of the Belarusian Aesthetic Association). And trips with lectures around the country (later it turned out that the author was not only in 4 regional centers of Belarus; in others, he managed to hold at least one lecture on the topic: "What is beauty?" or "What is art?"). However, as you know, life is less like a smoothly polished highway (which the author was later able to observe between Lübeck and Hamburg). There were difficulties, envious colleagues, an embittered party secretary, and the deprivation of the title of the winner of the social competition. In part, perhaps, these barriers were created by the character of the author, who does not hesitate, sometimes, to hide his opinion and express the "truth-womb" in his eyes. In any case, the author is grateful to those people who took upon themselves the hard work of understanding him (along with his search); special thanks to the Academic Council of the BPI (consisting, for the most part, of doctors of technical sciences), who saved, thanks to their vote, the young associate professor V. A. Saleev, accused by the management of a thousand sins... And among the hundreds of memories of these long years is the publication of the author's first book "Art and its Evaluation" (a meaningful experience of being in graduate school at Moscow State University). The publication was published in 1977 as a result of... an accidental revision of the BSU publishing house. The audit found a lot of problems, a number of "left" authors… The need to "restore order" led to the appearance of books by new authors, among them-the second book by V. S. Stepin (now an outstanding philosopher of Russia) and the first book by V. A. Saleev. But when this block of cyclical existence was unwound and the end of the 80s came, completely different winds began to blow, which again significantly changed the life of the author... I remember that the author was quite depressed at that time. The progress of his doctoral dissertation was abruptly halted (M. F. Ovsyannikov was no longer in the world, and the author suddenly turned into a "familiar stranger" in Moscow), perestroika entered the stopper; the author, because of his addiction to Belarusian culture (he organized the Dzyannitsa club in the BPI hostel, where most of the students visited). cultural figures of completely different political orientations) was included in the list of"suspects". Further events led to the fact that the author found himself in the circle of members of the Organizing Committee for the creation of the Belarusian Community (a party that supports social democratic ideas, which, for the most part, the author shares). I remember how the author with members of his club "Dzyannitsa" participated in marches to Kurapaty and "vosenskikh" Dzyadakh in 1988. Disillusionment with politics came later – in the early 90s, the author was nominated as a candidate for deputy and ... shamefully failed. The slogans about the primacy of culture, the national language, and quality education (which the author relied on in his election campaign) turned out to be nothing more than a manifestation of philosophical infantilism; much more experienced politicians who rely on urgent realities won… And the author decided to "close" his life to the spiritual, devoting the rest of it to culture and art... The dashing 90s added both pace and nuances to the rapidly changing life. In March 1992, the author managed to defend his doctoral dissertation on the topic "Axiological foundations of national artistic culture"in the Academic Council of the Faculty of Philosophy of Lomonosov Moscow State University. The defense lasted 4.5 hours, the author lost 11 kg of weight.… I had to restore my health in the sanatorium Kemeri (Latvia), where the author was surprised to learn that the slogan "Suitcase – railway station – Russia", then popular in the Baltic States, applies not only to citizens of the Russian Federation... The 90s flew "like bullets at the temple." The author happened to visit Abkhazia during the Georgian invasion in August ' 92, and to survive a family catastrophe, and to live in Lübeck in Germany in 1993-94... Back in 1991, I had to change my professional orientation: the author joined the National Institute of Education, which for many years became a favorite place for labor achievements. Here the author has consistently held the positions of senior researcher, Head of the Research Department of the Russian Academy of Sciences. laboratory and, finally, the head of the department. department of Cultural Studies of Education. Here, under his leadership, the concept of art education in the Republic of Belarus was developed. Here the author managed to put forward and justify the concept of "ethno-aesthetics". Here he also became the editor-in-chief of the magazine "Asnovy mastatstva" (1995-2002), whose excellent team played a significant role in the development of art culture in the Republic of Belarus (once the magazine was the first among art publications intended for teachers in the CIS). In the Department of Cultural Studies, among the employees was L. N. Zvonnikova, a high-class psychic; together with her, the author (who developed the theoretical part of the artstresspedagogy and stress therapy system) He opened an art school in Narovlya (Chernobyl zone) and, after completing the system of assistance to Chernobyl children, the co-authors found a sponsor in Germany. The 1990s turned out to be very fruitful in scientific and artistic terms: the author closely studied the problems of culture and mentality of the East Slavic peoples, carried out a number of significant publications (including three monographs), and became one of the leading art critics in the country. In the late 90s, I was lucky enough to meet a girl who, along with her good looks, combined the qualities of a reliable friend and an inquisitive student... It would seem that everything was fine, everything was going well. But the growing complexity of everyday problems ("small, but a family" - as the poet said), and even more likely, the criticism that had become ingrained in the soul (an obstacle to the author's artistic activity in his youth) did not allow to unfold on a broad scale. Although it was during these years that the author became a member of a number of public academies (including international ones). In 1990, he was elected First Vice-president of the Belarusian Aesthetic Association, and in 1999, he was awarded the title of Laureate of the Belarusian Union of Literary and Art Critics for publishing cultural and art criticism works. The zero years of the XXI century were no less restless. However, at the very beginning of them – in 2000, the author was awarded the title of "Honored Cultural Worker" (as noted in the Presidential Decree "for services to the development of national culture and aesthetic education of the population"). But it became increasingly difficult to conduct scientific work. The Cultural Studies Department of the National Institute of Education has collapsed. The author had to concentrate on teaching. In autumn 2001, he met as a" visiting professor of Lithuania " at the Slavic Department of the Vilnius Pedagogical Institute. He taught Belarusian culture in a rather large classroom (in Belarusian), "The Origins and development of Slavic Cultures" for the Polish department in a medium – sized classroom (in Middle Polish with Belarusianisms), and "Aesthetics" for graduate students in a small, closed classroom (in Russian). He also taught a seminar on aesthetic perception at the Faculty of Psychology. After returning to Minsk, the author found out that his favorite publication, the magazine "Asnovy mastatstva", had broken up. Unexpectedly, he had to continue his editorial career – he was appointed editor-in-chief of the leading magazine of the Ministry of Culture "Mastatstva". The magazine was not published for 7 months and according to all the laws of journalism was considered dead. The author and a group of colleagues revived the publication and even made it "Vakov" for a short time (which, however, was not appreciated by journalists). However, the views on the further development of the publications of these same journalists, the management and the "crisis manager who coped with his work" (as the then Minister of Culture described the author) diverged… And the author ended up at the Academy of Arts. First, a professor who gives lectures (with special pleasure – at the Faculty of Design), then-the head of the Department of Humanities. Then there was a short period of time working at BSU – and again a return to its original – to the Academy of Arts (it was on its basis that the author realized a long – standing idea - he published the elite magazine "Artefact" - the best gift for the anniversary) and the National Institute of Education. These are the two pillars on which the spiritual (inner)world rests author's world. Two places of its attraction. However, there are other "props". This is, first of all, a family ... a wife is a dear friend and student. Sons – a whole series-so different in character, occupation, age ... Friends (but many of them have already left the author – and the bitterness of loss still does not pass, the heart is heavy). And there is already a huge circle of students in a wide variety of fields – in science, education, journalism, and art… The vast majority of them delight the soul and eye, revive dear memories... And then there's the theater. And since childhood, the expensive, incomparable smell of the wings… And the sparkle of a literary word… And the black-and-white film that gives rise to unforgettable shots... and the wings of mighty buildings that fly up… And inquisitive eyes, and creative hands of designers… And two serious institutions, to which the author is attached to the soul. These are the Institute of Art History, Ethnography and Folklore (whose Academic Council for the Defense of Doctoral and Candidate Theses includes the author on a permanent basis) and the Institute of Philosophy of the same National Academy of Sciences of the Republic of Belarus (where the author is not a permanent member of the same council). The people who adorn these institutions are familiar to the author from his youth and are also so dear to his heart... Looking back on his sad and solemn holiday, the author sees himself in decades: ...Here is a little Sukhumi boy who is so drawn to knowledge and the magic of art... ...Here is a young man who acquires this knowledge and skills (and for whom the initial and leading slogans are "Never give up" and "Through thorns-to the stars", seasoned with Komsomol enthusiasm). And all, apart from this, is given to sports lists and attempts to find their own path in art... ...Here is a young man who joined science (aesthetics) and art criticism, and through amateur theater and cinema, touched the secrets of art, and through the Komsomol - to the secrets of society... ...Here is a Moscow graduate student who is learning the basics of philosophy and aesthetics and lives in a foreign-language environment on the top of the Leninsky (Vorobyovy) Mountains... ...Here is a young associate professor at a leading Belarusian university trying to combine his diverse aspirations and harmonize them... ...Here is a mature person who has deeply felt the aspirations of the Belarusian people and sincerely supports them... ...Here is a doctor, a professor who pushes the limits of philosophy and aesthetics to understand the ways of socio-cultural development of the dear East Slavic superethnos... ...Here is an editor of art magazines, trying on a permanent basis to bring people "reasonable, kind, eternal"... ...Here is a person who has realized the inextricable and priceless connection between value and evaluation and, following the old habit of a theater critic, tries to apply his system of evaluation to everything... to everything... ...And although in the run-up to the author's sad anniversary, hundreds of thousands of faces of dear people pass before his mind's eye (and barely familiar ones, too), the image of a 17-year-old young man on the left box of the State Russian Theater of the BSSR named after M. Gorky, who is trying his best to direct the light of his spotlights, go on stage, illuminate all the important, central parts of it and, especially, the faces of the actors... Summing up – we can say that the author should consider himself a happy person ... Despite the big, sometimes huge losses and not only close people. The author believes that he lost his great (big) homeland (the USSR), for which he was trained to serve, and his small homeland (which he recognizes as the mountain range and the Sukhumi coast). But with him – his" middle Homeland " – Belarus, to which he stuck with his soul, and whose capital-dear Minsk-always brings him back to himself (in whatever parts the author was)... And the author is able to repeat the words of the classic about what he gave... to the people, "chym mots may zmagla". And in his mind there is a hope, a great hope, that somewhere in a remote district center or in an unsightly "veska" some small boy lives and gains strength, who, like the young man (from the author's memoirs) on the left box of the academic Belarusian theater, during the period of his already realized strength, will raise his spirits, by the end of this twenty-first century, the banner of a sincere feeling realized by the mind, the banner in which philosophy, aesthetics, culture, and art so dear to the author merge in a single spiritual impulse-on the East Slavic land. And this, at least in part, justifies the current sad and solemn author's anniversary...